Monday, August 6, 2007

I Know What Jesus Looked Like

A line of Bible toys is going on sale at Wal-Mart.
Just as I expected Jesus looks like a white hippie from the 70s minus the colorful schemes.
Pharaoh had a unibrow and cartoonish features.
Esther looked like Demi Moore.
I'm glad that the geniuses of One2believe were able to produce these figures so close to their actual likeness. They didn't have much to go on. Areas and regions described in the Bible? Historical data? None of this was at their disposal. So give credit where credit is due. The people who reside in areas mentioned in the Bible do not resemble those who dwelled and traveled through these areas in Biblical times. Somehow Africa evaded this phenomenon because Africans still look the same. If I showed you an African now and an African from 500 years ago, could you tell the difference? Of course not.
Everybody knows that Moses and Noah and all them looked like normal white people. For all you know, your next door neighbor is a descendant of Moses himself. The more I look at Goliath the more he resembles my 7th grade Language Arts teacher.
Buy these toys for your children, your brothers, and your sisters. With no information to go on, one has to assume that Biblical figures looked like white Americans. I mean...haven't they always ruled the world? Isn't every continent's (except Africa) indigenous people brunette and brown-eyed? People (except the Africans) have changed drastically in appearance over the years.
These figurines are made to counter the violent ways of Spiderman and other white action heroes. The only time it is acceptable to depict violence is when it is in the name of the Lord. And I command you to spank any child who dares to think that it's okay to allow his mighty Samson figurine to succumb to the wrath of Goliath on the kitchen floor.
I'm working on a line myself. It's called One2deceive. There is only one figurine. A black Judas. But until the day that black Judas reigns supreme, I will wage Holy War on my bedroom floor. I'll trade you the Batmobile for Moses' stone tablet.


Camille said...

When I was a little kid and went to church, I used to get annoyed that the only pictures of Jesus they showed to our all black congregation were him with blonde hair and blue eyes, this totally Aryan looking guy. They would say, "No one knows what god looks like," and I would say, "So how do you know he had a blonde son??" By the time I was 9 I got fed up and quit going.

Also, there's a Jesus action figure with kung-fu chopping action. I don't think it was made entirely in jest, either.

Brittani said...

Uhh...Jesus was a black belt. Please tell me you knew this. Judo chop actually came from Judas chop. What had happened was they called Judas Judo for short. They shortened his name. Like how all black people do to each other because that was obviously our parents intent when they gave us full names. So it's not kung-fu action. It's just a judo chop. No big deal.

Joshua said...

I always mean to ask my non-white and non-Jesus skinned friends if they have strong feelings about seeing Jesus in their own image. I'm down for multicultural visions of Jesus since I don't like to see "Jesus" uphold white supremacy in churches anywhere. Either vary the color or add a historical representation and be TRUTHFUL about that representation. Ask for a congregation submission if you don't have the money, something I actually think might be a reality for some congregations who inherit or buy white Jesus stuff for cheap.

I'll ask my home church about it if we ever have this problem. Until then, I'll keep trying to live out Jesus' message that we truly find his face in the poor, oppressed, and "the least of these" regardless of color or any other background (Matthew 25: 40). And pray that the supremacists are convicted by that instead of a pair of blue eyes.

Anonymous said...

When I lived in Japan, Jesus was depicted as an Asian. When I traveled to Ethiopia, an African Jesus hung on the cross. When I lived in Mexico, there was a Mexican Jesus. When I was in the Holy Land, Jesus was depicted as a Middle Eastern Jewish man. People of all nations identify with their portrayal of Jesus. Europeans and Euro-Americans, therefore, should be afforded the same right to express their love and identification by depicting an image of a "fair" Jesus. They made this image from a motivation of love not hate. Why should someone from Scandinavia depict Jesus as Black? For the same reason that the People of Ethiopia do not paint Jesus White! Remember, there is no such thing as "reverse racism." Racism is Racism, and the people writing in this forum are some of the worst racist to date. Your color, race, and religion do NOT excuse your ignorance or hate. You have become what you set out to have become the vilest of RACIST.

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